How to Ruin Your Trip: A Lesson in Letting Go of Expectations

Since it’s the new year and people tend to make big resolutions, let’s start off 2023 by letting go of expectations, shall we?  

Backstory

I wrote this on my birthday trip in May 2022. I planned to publish it while in Arizona, but I decided other stories were more critical. 

I went back to my birth state of Arizona and took a road trip to Utah. On this trip, my focus was to fully heal from life. What better place to clear out bad energy and invite good energy than by going to Sedona? It was known for its healing power and vortex. I am sometimes unsure if this is real, but it could not hurt me.

How to Ruin Your Trip: Have Big Expectations

This trip wasn’t anything I had hoped it to be, and my expectations were not met. Instead of having a calm trip with my cousin in Sedona, I was met with a panic attack and anxiety, and I lost things left and right. I knew I would be a little anxious since I was taking my cousin camping for the first time. I rarely travel with people, and when I do, I can’t really enjoy that time because I am so focused on making sure they have a great time that I suffer.

I was trying so hard to make everything enjoyable for him that I wasn’t mindful enough about small things like not losing his spare key to his SUV or my prescription sunglasses on a hike back… all because I didn’t pick them up after doing a headstand. So, I made him go back the next day to find them. We found both keys and sunglasses, but I lost my sanity.

It was like I had whiplash; I’d have these fantastic moments in Sedona one moment, then something else would happen the next. It left me feeling like he would never go on another trip with me again. I even told my cousin I needed a break, but every time I tried to get one, it was filled with drama.

 Our little weekend was up (finally), and we headed to Flagstaff, so I could pick up my rental and then road trip solo to Page, AZ, to check out Horseshoe Bend, the slot canyons, and Lake Powell. The trip got a little better when I was alone. I wasn’t losing items anymore, but I started to lose my mind. I kept thinking back to my birthday trip last year and how much fun I had compared to this trip. I was doing these incredible tours of slot canyons or paddle boarding Lake Powell, but I got into a sad funk each night. One night when I was in Page, having a pint at their local brewery, I got a call from the guardhouse of my apartment complex informing me that a branch hit my car.

That’s when I lost it.

It’s always something with me.

Always!

My friends kept saying throughout the trip that things happen to people all the time, and you just need to keep moving. I had every right to vent and complain about how life had been challenging the past few months, but I felt like I couldn’t anymore because everyone was trying to put things into perspective.

I understand perspective in life; everyone is going through shit, but I just wanted ten days of no drama. That’s all I wanted, and I craved it so badly; sadly, I didn’t get it. I officially gave up on this trip when I returned from a hike in Utah and camped at Lone Rock. Between what felt like a major sandstorm at camp and my depressing mood, I decided I was done. I asked my cousin if he could pick me up the next day—two days earlier than planned.

Lessons in Having No Expectations 

As I was driving to Flag, my mood improved. I talked to my friend Megan about how I struggled to be in a good mood and told her about my intentions for this trip.

She said, “I think sometimes we put too much pressure on things, places, or moments that we think will help us feel better or bring clarity.”

She was 1000 percent right. I thought, hey, I will go to this place. I will feel fantastic, I will be healed, and life will be grand. Well, maybe not grand, but it will be better.

But that’s not what happens.

And that the lesson of this trip doesn’t place big expectations on it. Perhaps I had this whole healing idea all wrong. I thought I would heal by being happy and free, but instead, my recovery needed to be hard to make significant changes in my life.

Once my cousin picked me up, we went to Sedona, and that’s when my mood lifted, and I felt normal again. I swear something in the water in Page got me down and out. We had lunch, hiked, and we even talked about expectations.

Side note! I didn’t lose anything while in Sedona except for my expectations.

Expectations Were Not Met

Quick background on my cousin: He’s 9 years younger than me and a city boy. Even my coworkers were taking bets to see if he would still be alive after this trip and if he would ever hang out with me again.

Spoiler alert: I came back to the office as a winner since he is still alive, and he enjoyed himself! 

While hanging out in Oak Creek, he told me he was planning to bail on me if he didn’t like camping. He was expecting that he would hate camping. But instead, he loved it.

I even told him I thought he was blowing smoke up my ass to make me feel better. He laughed and said, “No, I actually loved camping, and I would do it again, but this time I will stay at the campground and read.”

It’s funny that we both had expectations for this trip and they did not pan out as we thought.

The moral of the story? Don’t have expectations.  

Yes, we have all heard that saying before. And yes, some of us had a more challenging time with that concept (me), but I saw how it could mess with you.

The universe is a funny character; she will provide you with what you need vs. want.