7 Lessons I’ve Learned Since Creating Wandering Bel: Valentine's Day Love
Last February, when I was landing in Montrose, Colorado, my body just let out this loud exhale. I didn't do it on purpose, but my body, mind, and spirit knew I was safe. My body felt relaxed for the first time in two months, and between a demanding job and my mom's health issues, I was just spent. My mind, body, soul, and everything were so tightly wound up that I made a Jack-in-box look calm.
I wasn't planning to reflect on one year of Wandering Bel. I wanted to do a play on the words love and Valentine's, but everything turned out differently than planned.
I reflected on what I learned by creating this website, and I only had a little to reflect on, aside from picking a color scheme or how to input videos into my posts. After putting this off for a while, I finally figured out what lessons I have learned, and I hope they help you with your everyday life or traveling too.
Lesson One: Learn How to Actually Love
Valentine's Day has always been a holiday I hated. To be transparent, it is partly because I am single around this time. But the main reason I hated Valentine's Day is that I don't believe we need to celebrate love just for one day—and only one kind of love, for a matter of fact! We rush to buy flowers at a CVS because we forgot it was Valentine's Day or spend $200 on lingerie, for it to just come off 5 minutes after we put it on.
Don't get me wrong; I love flowers and a nice lingerie set. But to me, this day is forced and makes us sad and let down because of these "big" expectations we set on our partners or, most notably, on ourselves.
Last year, I decided to change my mindset from hating Valentine's Day to falling in love with this holiday. I purposely launched my website on Valentine's Day in my favorite small, enchanting town, Telluride, Colorado.
I always had trouble in the love department, leading to friendships and people. Hence, this is why I am a solo traveler. When I travel solo, I feel the best about myself until I return to reality.
The last time I loved love, it destroyed me. I didn't ever want to deal with love again, including myself. In 2022, after many dramatic events that year and a few other things over the past few years, I started to learn how to love again.
That love I learned was for myself, which is the most challenging concept and love you will ever have. I began to learn to love my flaws, how much I needed to change my mindset about many things, stop hating love, and begin to take care of myself, which Leads me to lesson two.
Lesson Two: Do Less
I hear this saying at least 20 times in my aerial arts class when my teacher/friend teaches us a new shape or a drop in the hammock. But it applies here to Wandering Bel too. I am that solo female traveler who will jam-pack a week's adventure into one day, and is going nonstop, even in her regular life.
If 2022 taught me anything, it was to do less and rest. I finally learned this on my last two trips to Colorado. The first trip was in July, and the second was in December. Those trips had adventure, but I also took days and afternoons off to relax. I never do this when I'm out in Colorado or on any trip, and my body and mind reward me for doing that. The pictures below showcase the “do less” lesson. Below are pictures of me jumping into the Colorado River and then going to a hot spring because all my body wanted was relaxation.
For years I have listened to my heart telling me to pick up and go on an adventure. But I only listen to my body sometimes. For the last few years, my body has told me to slow down, relax, and take care of me . . . please take care of me. And my response was, “You are fine; let's go.”
After a few times, my body finally gave up on me. I have learned my lesson now, and I hope you succeed in listening to your body as I have. Now, I honor my body's wishes even if I want to do more than its wants. I know it's not easy to rest and take care of yourself if you have a demanding job, kids, a caretaker, etc., but the saying is true: you can't pour from an empty cup.
Lesson Three: Expectations
Don't. Have. Expectations.
I wrote about this in my post How to Ruin Your Trip: A Lesson in Letting Go of Expectations. I am at fault for having expectations on trips. On my past trips, I used traveling to escape my life and become a new person. Then I made my road trip from Denver to Moab in 2020. The only thing I was expecting was to have an adventure and try to "get back to myself."
After the life-changing trip, I expected all trips to have this healing effect vs. escaping. I put a lot of pressure on myself to heal in 2022, to the point I caused panic attacks and ruined a trip. Have you done that before? Try so hard to have this calming, peaceful trip to ruin it with your expectations.
When I look back at that trip, I realize I had a good trip despite my antics.
Lesson Four: DO YOU!
I'm not going to lie. When I hit the publish button for the first time, I was scared shitless. And even now, I still get a little nervous.
Thoughts run through my mind:
"Do people care what I write?"
"Will anyone read this?"
"Will my website be found by people?"
"Will this make an impact?"
"Why would anyone care?"
In the beginning, I had some self-doubt; not everyone understood why I created this platform, and I rustled with that until one day in December of 2021, when I was in the hospital with my mom.
My friend Rachel was in Colorado, and she called so excited, saying she skied for the first time—solo—because of me. I cried. Partly because of the high emotions I had with my mom and the lack of sleep and partly because I didn't realize I actually made an impact before I launched Wandering Bel. She reminded me again in February of 2022, when I had a low moment in Colorado.
"I would have never been courageous enough to ski on my own if it wasn't for you, and I loved it!"
Writing/ reading these words still makes me tear up. Because it only takes ONE person to make a difference. Yes, I would love a thousand people to come to my website for advice and a good laugh. But I made a difference in one person's life, which means the world to me.
This website aims to share stories, a safe place to share the good, bad, ugly, and funny stories from my travel experiences and the lessons I've learned along the way. Regardless, people may not read my stories or think my actions are dumb. In life, DO what makes you happy. DO YOU. Because those who judge you or don't get you aren't your tribe. Which leads me to lesson five . . .
Lesson Five: "Stick with People Who Pull the Magic Out of You, Not the Madness”
My friend Rachel sent me this quote from tinybuddhaofficial, an Instagram account with different quotes, a couple of days after we chatted about my low day in Colorado. At that moment, I knew she was cheering me up and saying she had my back. But as the year went on, this quote became more and more meaningful.
I have lost many people over the last few years that I never thought I would lose. I held on to the wrong type of people in my life and overlooked the ones who pulled magic out of me. Now, my only focus is on those who pull the magic out of me—those who support me without secondary motives. Those who bring joy, laughter, adventure, love, and respect. And these people include me because surely I know now how fucking magical I am!
Lesson Six: Get to Know Yourself
I am a big believer that you need to learn how to date yourself. I have mentioned this multiple times because it is crucial to learn about yourself.
I was talking to a couple of my friends about how I changed over the years, from being that girl who played in dirt to a city girl trying to make a difference in DC, And then back to playing in the dirt again.
And making a difference differently.
Over the years, we lose who we are and what makes us happy vs. what society tells us. For the last three years, I thought I had learned everything about myself, but boy was I wrong. Each day I learn more surprising facts about myself, things I never expected.
The other weekend when I was driving back from a hike, Billie Eilish's song "My Future" randomly came on. I was half listening to the song until I heard the chorus. That's when I paid attention:
"Cause I, I'm in love
With my future
Can't wait to meet her
And I, I'm in love
But not with anybody else
Just wanna get to know myself."
These words are everything! She wrote how I’ve felt for the longest time, better than I ever could. I kept listening to it for the 45-minute drive back home. Thanks to this song, I broke the writing block I had for this post.
Lesson 7: It's Okay to Let Go and Leave
To be honest, this is the hardest lesson for me. Letting go is not my strongest skill set. I hold on to dear life, whether it's a way of life, friends, family, etc. I always fought for a particular lifestyle and career even when it nearly killed me because I always thought, "Well, I worked so hard to get here; why would I give up my dream?" What's the point of working so hard to give things up?
That's just a waste of time.
Well, let me challenge you. Think of this not as giving up but as changing your perspective. This goes back to Lesson 6 above, learning about yourself. We as humans are supposed to grow and change, and if we didn't, we would be long extinct. I never thought I wanted to move from DC in a million years. Now, I can't wait to move to Colorado for a more balanced life.
It is okay to leave your current life for another one. You do not have to stay in a job you hate or a relationship that isn't good for you. Nor be part of a family that mostly doesn't like you and judges everything.
You chose to be your own editor in your own life, not someone else.
Trust me; I know it’s hard, but all your reasons are valid. I see you. I hear you. And I know. But honestly, letting go and leaving is the best thing you can do because the more you hold on, the more you slowly die.
Thank you to everyone who has supported me this past year, from spending each week with me to sharing my posts and showing me love. Because of you, I have had the best Valentine's Day. I hope you have the best Valentine's Day, filled with love and adventure and getting to know yourself a little more.
Keep sharing, keep writing to me, keep adventuring, and keep wandering!
With so much love,
Wandering Bel
#teamwanderingbel
