How To Date Yourself: Ten Tips for Developing a Better Relationship with Yourself
In my series Important Things I Have Learned from Solo Traveling, I mentioned the concept of dating yourself. I FIRMLY believe we must take ourselves out on a solo date, even if we are dating another person. And I am not talking about just one date; I am speaking about dating yourself just as you would as another person.
As you read this, you may find yourself in one of two camps:
You know what I am talking about,
or
You think I'm just a crazy, mid-30s, solo traveler writing nonsense.
Well, let's go on an adventure together and explore this topic! I promise you I'm not as crazy as you think I am.
Stop One on This Adventure: Sex and the City . . . Baby!
As Carrie Bradshaw of Sex and the City once said,
You may say that quote is valid. It truly is exciting, challenging, and significant. And many of us haven't listened to ourselves for a while. On the other hand, you may not have developed a relationship with yourself yet. When was the last time you took some time for yourself? I mean, when did you take a deep introspective dive to discover new passions, quirks, pet peeves or even certain things about yourself that are now nonexistent?
We are humans, too, and we need to check in on ourselves—especially when life gets busy. How often have you felt off-center or not yourself because of the demands of a career, friends, society, or a relationship with another person? How often have you felt and craved alone time with yourself but not precisely what you should do aside from bathing or a massage?
Trust me, those are on my “dating yourself” list, but there are a few more points to make that I want to dig into more deeply with you.
Stop Two on This Adventure: Ask Questions!
This might sound crazy, but I check in with myself, asking questions like I would on a date if I was getting to know a guy (or whomever you choose). Below are some of my favorites:
What thing(s) spark happiness, joy, or calmness?
What are you (body and/or soul) craving . . .
Slowness?
Relaxation?
Disconnection?
Adventure?
Nature?
Stimulation?
New experiences?
Grounding?
What has been on my bucket list that I still haven't done yet? (This does not have to be swimming with sharks in South Africa, which is on my bucket list.)
What would my ideal date night be?
What hobbies and interests have I put off?
Stop Three on This Adventure: Solo Date-Night Ideas.
Below are some of my favorite date nights. These range from a relaxing spa day to strenuous hiking and camping. It really depends on my mood and what my body or soul needs. We are people, and we need many things to connect with ourselves. If you have any suggestions that have worked for you, please add them to the comments below!
If my body is craving slowness or grounding, I do one of these things. Granted, some of these could be considered adventure.
Hike in nature! Nothing gets me back to my center faster than being in nature. If you are nervous about hiking alone, try hiking in the daytime on a popular trail to get used to hiking solo. When I can't escape into the mountains, I head to Rock Creek Park.
Paddleboarding, skiing, and/or camping solo. Again, nature always wins for me.
For those who aren't nature-loving like me, a spa day at home, in which you light some candles, put on your favorite music and maybe read a book or journal while taking a bath—or a shower if you don’t have a tub. There is something to be said about having water falling on you and washing all your cares away. I also love going to a spa. The one I have been going to is King Spa in Virginia. Something about sitting in a sauna while reading a book and going into the hot pools reconnects me to my body and soul.
Heading to a café or a bar/brewery to read a book. It might sound crazy to do it at a bar or brewery, but I love doing it. I can read and work better at places like that than at home.
I love taking day trips to a place I have never been. The excitement of going somewhere new focuses me on the present, how I feel, whether I like this place, etc.
Wander the streets of your city or the city next to you. Listen to your intuition, turn on that street you are interested in, go into that shop, and follow your inner voice—because it's telling you to explore.
Go to a movie alone! It's so fun to see something you've been dying to see. I went to see Taylor Swift Eras Tour and had a blast with my popcorn and drink, singing along and enjoying myself.
Go to dinner or lunch by yourself. I didn't enjoy this for a year because I was so concerned that people would think I had no friends as I felt back in high school, eating alone . . . but no one cares. It's liberating! Just like reading in a bar.
Have a cooking night! I LOVE picking out a recipe to try on a Friday or Saturday night and putting on music like Dean Martin or French music as I learn to cook a new meal . . . or preparing a meal I have cooked before that takes more than 30 minutes. Cooking solo feels good because it enhances happiness and allows you to be creative. It also allows you to get to know yourself. Plus, it is fun dancing around the kitchen!
This is my favorite way of dating myself: travel, baby! Travel near or far; just travel. Book that flight, that camping trip, that snorkeling adventure, that fill-in-that-blank. NOTHING is better than solo traveling. You get rid of the noise of your everyday life, and you just become you, that person you lost along the way, who was lost in that thing we call life.
Hopefully, on this adventure, you understand more about the viewpoints regarding dating yourself and how important it is to do it in your regular life and NOT only when you are solo traveling. Please try these suggestions or modify them so they will work in your life. It is okay to take time for yourself because that self is waiting for you to do so!
